No one ever told me

No one ever told me the world was so cold. No one ever told me, So I learned on my own. No one ever told me why I felt things so deep and so hard. No one ever told me how I knew things, before. No one ever told me, I could absorb the world around me and carry it like a weight. No one ever taught me how to process emotions, to release. So, they would build inside until they exploded into what others saw as anger or they would fall from eyes in what others would interpret as weakness. No one ever told me how or why I absorbed the emotions and feelings of other beings, or that I needed to release it. No one ever told me. No one ever knew. 

No one ever told me that the world would hurt so much, that it would fill me so hard that I thought I was going to die! No one ever told me how overwhelming it could be, and that there were amplifiers that multiplied the pain beyond comprehension. The Hatred and the fear are overwhelming and it  comes so fast I cannot dispel it fast enough to deal with my own. I can feel it ALL!  No one ever told me I was an empath and I never knew it was a thing. It took me a very long time to become aware and learn what it was for me that could release what was pent up inside me like a champagne bottle just waiting to be popped.

When I was young there was always Balance, because I spent much time with Nature, connecting. As I aged that time became less and less, and I felt Less and Less. It stayed within me, and would erupt at the most inopportune moments. The further I strayed, the more intense it would become. I never correlated the walks amongst the trees with my inner wellness, and how just the smallest time spent there changed me. The more time I am with nature, the less I feel like that Champagne bottle. This is where my energy conversion takes place. This is where I connect. This is where my sanity lies, and my heart sings.

While I enjoy the comforts of convenience, they mostly come in the areas of greater population. Being in places of greater population, means there is much more negativity to be felt and it is overwhelming. The balance is broken, and I need grounding. The feeling the nowhere is home, and that few understand. Less has become more, and my needs have been reimagined. Returning to where I belong has become the priority, and everything else is a mere distraction. Back to my magic so I can again be myself, and share that with those who are dearest to me soul.

For every positive, there is a Negative. For every Up, there is a Down. The world works like that, energy. It’s all connected, and it all needs the All.